"Uh-huh," Anna responded. Where was nick? She wanted to talk to someone real, someone physical. But he was at the bar, waiting for drinks. She could see him, talking to the bartender. The Scythe Girl rapped on Anna's knuckles.
"Ow," she grumbled and looked at her fingers.
"There is a bomb here. He's trying to kill you," the girl insisted.
"Go away," Anna begged. She wasn't crazy. She couldn't be crazy. This was merely the result of too much alcohol. The scythe girl folded her arms and glared at Anna. It was incredibly cute instead of intimidating. Anna laughed. The glare deepened.
"Fine. I'll show you. If there's nothing there, I will leave you alone forever," the girl finally stated. Anna weighed her options.
"I'll never see you again? This will all be over?" she asked. The girl didn't say anything, but began to walk through the club. Literally walking through the people on the dance floor. Turning, she beckoned Anna to follow. Sighing, Anna did so. At the back of the club, in the darkest shadows, the girl waited.
"Here," she gestured under a lone, empty chair. Bending down, Anna looked.
There was a bomb.
"Holy shit," Anna stepped back.
"What do I do?" she asked, but the girl was gone. Apparently Anna had to figure this out on her own. The club was filled with people. Innocents who would be killed if the bomb went off. However, there was a device called a cell phone. And a service known as 911. Anna quickly dialed that number.
"911 emergency," a crisp voice answered.
"Hello? I'm at Club Divine and there's a bomb," she prayed there would be enough time to save everyone.
Explosive!
ReplyDeleteInteresting that SG can interact with Anna, and walk through everyone else.
I think you could probably lose the explicit reveal of the bomb, and cut right to "Holy Shit."
I like the attempt to mirror Anna's not-quite-working brain when she sees it; it doesn't quite work (comes off a little stilted), but I think if you cut it down to a bunch of 3 or 4 word sentences (in stark contrast to some of my other feedback) with very simple words, it could be very entertaining.
Looking forward to see if the club explodes!
It is indeed interesting SG can interact with Anna. Glad you caught that!
ReplyDelete